Unexpected Feedback after a Small Group Meeting

I just put back a team member's question to them, and took it as a simple learning opportunity. To receive this unexpected feedback is a cause for celebration

From: Siti Aiza Fadil
Sent: Thursday, 16 October 2008 12:22
Subject: Re: Cutting Edge Team (CET)

Thanks James, for giving us a wonderful coaching last nite.

I found it very motivating and clarifying. Like Looi said - empowering. Really, I feel that's a great achievement of an effective coach.

I was thinking what an excellent coach u were last nite. So many words of wisdom - from coaching us on CET, to sharing your learning/blessing of the singing embarrasment experience.

As u were sharing that, I was thinking in my heart:-
... here's a leader that's ever willing to try something new, esp. in his realm of fear and not only to conquer it, but to be great at it... brings to mind your yoga, swimming, running, singing...
... U walk your talk.

INCREDIBLE GENEROUS & PASSIONATE FEEDBACK

This email was sent by a senior manager, from one of the largest Indian conglomerates, who was on a company programme to train in-house coaches. I celebrate it because I have met a man who went out of his way to write such a generous and passionate feedback, despite being very busy and on his holiday.

Sent: Thursday, 9 October 2008 00:59
Subject: Dr James Chia : my Head Coach

Dear Dr Chia ,

At the very outset I wish to put on record my sincerest thanks to you for guiding me through the entire coaching process . I also wish to put on record my sincere thanks to Mr Jagdish Anne , my coachee who devoted his valuable time and volunteered to support me through the entire process.

Reflecting back on our interactions in the last several weeks , I have a few observations worth mentioning :

a) First of all , I was a late starter . There was a moment when I thought I was too late to start . I appreciate your dealing with the situation firmly and professionally through a series of e-mails to me . I was sincerely sorry that I was perhaps letting you down - and also that I was missing out on a great opportunity . Had it not been for your gentle but firm persuasion , I would have perhaps not even got started.

b) In one of our earlier calls you mentioned about the coachee's commitment being more important than the coach's . You gave me the message pretty clearly when I got delayed in one my calls to you . It strengthened my resolve to go through the process and complete the same . So much so that I had set up one of my calls to you in between my customer visits - with me in Chennai , Jagdish in Mumbai and you in Singapore.

c) I found you were always keen in learning about both of us in all your calls. A considerable time was spent trying to know about us , about our profession and families. This , I found helped to connect us better as individuals. Your eagerness to learn about our business was also very endearing in itself.

d) One striking thing about all your interactions was the passion with which you reflected back and endorsed and appreciated things . As a coachee I felt elated .

e) One very interesting thing was that after every call , you always ensured that you correlate our conversations with a broader aspect of coaching in life . Be it the example of Tiger Woods ( he wanted a coach for himself - and not the other way round) or that the success of a coach depended on the success of a coachee and that he needed to reflect a true mirror !

f) The FEELING mnemonic taught by you was something that I though encapsulated the essence of the process.

g) Lastly, I think, as a person you displayed great commitment and more than that perhaps - immense patience in me . I do not know if you ever thought I was a lost case as a coachee when nothing seemed to be moving despite several reminders initially . Nevertheless you persisted ! I thought that was significantly noteworthy!

On the whole , it has been great interacting with you . I have learnt something new in life. Knowing you has been an enriching experience and I would certainly keep in touch . Thank you once again for your time .

Best regards.

Devotosh

Thanks from an Enthusiastic Coachee

Sant Kumar in his mid-forties is a Head of Internal Audit with 19 years experience in the Aditya Birla Group. I am his Head Coach in a program where he is learning to be a Coach. His coachee is Sanjay. The program was designed for 4 coaching calls, but Sant was super keen to do more! I celebrate with you this email he just sent.


From: SK Sharma Sent: Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Subject: Thanks!!!

Dear Dr. James,

The 26th Sept ’08 was our 6th and last coaching call of this program. As usual, it was a very fruitful discussion.

The program lasted almost 4 months and our discussions on coaching during the last 6 calls have been a great learning experience for me. While I was coaching Sanjay during the period, your support and expert feedback in my coaching development were really valuable and effective. You always played a role that inspires us to find ways, suiting to our unique style, to reach our goals.

This program has helped me to increase my ability to coach others and discover my unique style leadership. Not only, was my coachee Sanjay benefited but also my whole team here from my enhanced ability by support them to improve their performances and business results.

Your coaching techniques especially questioning and expert feedback on coaching and leadership were very useful. Your questioning techniques were so effective that we start looking for our own right answers and make better choices on sustainable basis.Some of your phrases like
- "Who would you like to lead first before you lead others? -the answer is yourself",
- "People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care",
- "Coaching is all about caring, the caring like mother care her child",
- "Put yourself in other person’s shoes",

- "If leader is there but no nobody is following means leader with only title”,
- "Use mirror for your own development; and mirror could be a coach, spouse and children” etc,

consistently remind and motivate me to be a better coach. I’m sure that these techniques would help me to sustain my improved behaviour and business goals.

I really appreciate for your imparting knowledge, experience and information with us through sincere and active participation during the whole period.

I hope to learn more from you in future.

With many thanks and regards,

Sant

Encouraged by a Senior Coach!

On 24 Sep, Kerrie Phipps skyped me. Kerrie is a coach based in Australia who offered to mentor me when I enrolled for the Intensive Coach Training course by Results Coaching Systems. Check out her website http://www.createthelifeclub.com/ . I told her about my humble foray into the internet via this blog. This is what she said:

[24/09/2008 13:57:23] Kerrie Phipps says: WOW! I just read your "Purpose of this journal" to Lyndon and he said it gave him goosebumps! it's beautiful.... looking forward to reading more!

I celebrate this because this is an example of just what a coach does - encourages, empowers and endorses another human being. I also celebrate this because what I shared actually touched people whose opinions I respect and value a lot. It makes me feel that the risk I took in being vulnerable was worth it.

Just Being There

This morning I received an sms from one of my coachees that her best man at her wedding had just been killed in a car accident leaving a 5-month old child and she was too stunned to feel anything.

I decided that I would make myself available over lunch to just be with her as this had come on top of a rough week of work and training. She sms-ed ok to lunch.

This is a celebration because the coach that cares about results and puts aside feelings can also care about feelings when it's appropriate :-). Mastery is about making distinctions.

Coaching Insights!

Met TT and asked him when he wants to go ahead with coaching. He shared his heavy investment in heavy-duty development programmes by T Harv Eker and Robert Kiyosaki which would take him till early 2009 and suggested a good time to start coaching would perhaps be after Chinese New Year (that's about Feb 2009).

It seemed to me that TT thinks coaching is just another course to do and, acting as his own coach, he is scheduling it to a spare time slot.

TT is asking "When is a good time to start coaching?".
In asking this question, he shows that his first question should be "What IS coaching?"

Because if he knew what coaching really was, he would know when to start coaching. If coaching were like a shortsighted man wearing his glasses or like daily looking into a mirror to dress up, then wouldn't coaching be an ongoing activity as long as there is activity?

I celebrate this discussion because it shows how a coach provides insights depending on what shows up in a simple discussion that could take place face-to-face, over the phone, or through email.

Coaching Choices

Today, TT called me and asked me what coaching programmes I had and how much I charged.

Coaching Programmes: Specific Goal-oriented programme or Personal Growth programme. The latter requires more skill but can be limitless in possibilities as it involves whatever comes up in his life and choosing "no right, no wrong" responses.

Charges: What I charge depends on how much value the client wants to get out of the programme - the greater the fee, the more serious the client would apply himself to create greater value. I told TT, for example, I could charge $3000 for a 3-month programme or $3000 for a 6-month programme. I could charge $3000 or $6000 for a 6-month programme. It depends.

I celebrate this discussion because it shows that there is so much flexibility in coaching and a client has lots of choices. But choose to have a coach!

I am so grateful!

Jean Toh completed the AsiaWorks Advanced training the previous week and on 9 Sep, we met before her LPO. Later at 2350h she sms-ed me

"Thank YOU James! I really need coaching and guidance. I am so grateful to have known you. Shall we (jackie, you, anyone in SHAPE and me) go for a nice dinner this Sat? My treat!"

I celebrate this because it's someone I hardly know; I am making a difference to her; she gets it that I care; she's got the flu and she can't wait till the next day but sends this at midnight; she wants to celebrate - with all!!

I told Hwee Suan earlier, "heng ah, lucky she was sitting alone at breakfast at Genting (in July) and I chose to sit with her and got to talk on personal things!"

Recollecting Celebrations from the Last Month

SMS from Jean Toh on 2 Sep 08 when I sms/called her about her AsiaWorks Advanced course starting 3 Sep.

"Thanks a lot for your support james. I really appreciate u."

I celebrate this sms because I am making a difference to this person I only just knew; and that I have caused another human being to appreciate another person and dare enough to express it as an acknowledgement. I have helped someone connect to and with her HEART!

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I have been coaching a Senior Executive from an Indian conglomerate with US$30 billion annual revenues who is on a company program to train in-house coaches. At the end of the 6-month journey, this is part of a "Tribute" he wrote to me on 25 Aug 08.

"You gave us enough freedom & flexibility to experiment during the coaching program. You continued to appreciate our efforts throughout the process irrespective of the quantum of progress made by us.

We have learnt at the end of the program that to become a good Coach, one has to become a good human being. You demonstrated this attribute throughout our association with you."

This is a celebration because this man has got it that the real power that inspires change is WHO a person is, his BEing. Nice for me to know also that who I am can be noticed even though our interaction over the past 6 months has purely been over the telephone.

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21 Aug 08- Email from Kanishka, TWP Indian Head, after reading email feedback from one of my Indian coachees:
"Wow James! What are you doing to these guys? I'm beginning to think you're after Peggy's job! (Peggy O'Neal is Director of Coaching in TWP, Singapore). Seriously... Just awesome commitment to your guys. I'm very impressed. Will pick your brains on coaching when I catch up with you."

I celebrate this because someone in the coaching industry thinks I can add value to him! And he's contributing to me just by expressing his excitement! Wow!

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19 Aug 08 - email from Lionel Goh, my pastor from Bartley Christian Church, after a discussion I hosted on Rick Warren's 40 Days of S.H.A.P.E. :
"James, you may not know it, but you occupy a very strategic place in the lives of many. Eunice & I are simply amazed by the level of influence you have with your business partners. And you can influence them for eternity, not just success in this life."

This is cause for celebration because my pastor who sees me in shorts and tee shirt at church every Sunday is blown away when he heard how many people said they just "Follow me lah" when they heard about the study just four days before.

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14 Aug 08 - This is an email from someone who I have been coaching for 4 years, written after she introduced herself to her new university class by singing "I am a Champion" :
"i very much cherish your two smses today. particularly this:
that's why what u did was impt. u just did it. was nt necessary, totally unreasonable, mad even. but u chose becos u r creator of possibilities, bcos u trust coach. v proud of u.

best part is, you always make me very proud of me too. i look back and ask - how did i ever do that.

u know by the time i stepped up to the front of the lecture hall and took the mike, i had already visualised me going up there, say - hi i am @@@@@@ and then singing I am the Champion.

THANK YOU for making my life memorable and not same old same old."

I celebrate this because this coachee unknowingly sat and passed a "test" set at the end of a coaching period - she chose the uncomfortable and unreasonable, she trusted her coach, and she demonstrated inspiring change brought about through coaching.

PURPOSE OF THIS JOURNAL

I have been coaching for some 6 years, the last 4 years taking on paid clients. I am grateful to all my early coachees - guinea pigs, courageous desperados, gracious volunteers - for giving me the practice and the permission, or space, to learn on the job.

Watching another human being transformed is a fascinating and exhilarating experience. Unlike God who created life and sustains it, a coach does not have to be omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent to facilitate miraculous changes and development. But a coach shares in the same joy as God the Creator does in seeing people come alive and love life.

This journal is a collection of positive moments in my journey as a coach. It is focused on the blessings I receive as a coach. These are incidents that cause me to CELEBRATE

• because of what another person has achieved
• because of what I have achieved
• and simply because of how we choose to see things.

James Chia 5 Sep 08